we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
