rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
