there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
