Dual....:-)
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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