your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
