I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
