why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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