you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
