college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
