I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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