Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
