He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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