Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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