I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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