we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
