My Higher Power is John Stamos
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
