i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
