i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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