Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
