My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry about my life...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
