My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
