filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
