my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You don't make any sense
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