I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we're so committed to being not committed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
