...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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