We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
