apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
