First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
