just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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