Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
