The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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