Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
