So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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