I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
