Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
