I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
