so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
