I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
