One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
