Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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