Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
