i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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