Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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