Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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