sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
