I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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