Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
