How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
