I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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