How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
