You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
