I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
